Emmy

Sat, 04 Feb 2006 21:29:56 GMT

OH MY GOD.

Look at me.

I fixed my old livejournal, and now I can update it.

But I probably won't do it again after this.

Fri, 15 Oct 2004 02:43:25 GMT

my wings just fell away...

dont leave like that

Wed, 13 Oct 2004 04:27:20 GMT

Okay, updating mode.

here is what is on my mind, but probably you already read that on my sleeve. go ahead and skip the whole next thing, if that is the case.

when things arent us
then they arent real
when we are not the ones
then no one is

the chosen few have come to save the rest of us
but we are just fine.
as long as it's we
as long as we is two people,
standing together
looking out at the world from our different angles,
(different regions)
yet reaching toward
the same general place
one parallel line over miles
one line of arms
reaching for the other's

Okay. So that's that. Boston in one week. Rhode Island in One week and three days. MEL and MIKE in the same place, with me... again. There is bound to be something adventurous. Exciting. Thrilling.

In the mean time, major psych test of seven chapters is on thursday, and I haven't started studying, because news flash, other profs give homework too. Imagine that. Thus, the saga continues. On a better note, the play is going fine. Good, even. I dare say enjoyable?!

What hit me?
I did not notice what it was
but it came up from behind
and knocked me
i fell over
stood up again:
it was gone.
so what hit me?

Mon, 11 Oct 2004 22:54:46 GMT

That was a beautiful night. The other though, was mediocre. I wanted much more time, with everyone. i wanted like a half an hour to speak with each person, alone. Maybe at Christmas.

Ill write more when I'm done my rest of the evening activities.. including international poli discussions and study sessions for psych.

Wed, 06 Oct 2004 04:36:48 GMT

there has got to be something out there
that will fill up my voids
i wish everyone in my history would turn their hands to me
i would hold out ten fingers, two palms
please make amends with me

something here does not mesh the same
something here doesnt blend right

all of my love's with you
displaced, miles, and hours away
all of my heart is elsewhere

sometimes, im just bored
i remember feeling so full...
with all of you

i remember being happy smiling at my friends
with their long brown hair
or short or blonde
blue green brown black grey eyes
i remember people who filled me up
Stuffed

I guess I need a hobby.
I guess that before amusing myself was not an issue
with nothing to do, I had my world to think about
I had you all to feel about: 5, 10, 15 minutes away from me.
accessible.
but
Not here, starved.

Mon, 04 Oct 2004 04:12:03 GMT

It makes me feel like youre still here, because all of your URLs are still on my history bar.

What a sweet, melting, sad feeling... like boiling sugar into candy.

Sun, 03 Oct 2004 21:12:21 GMT

I hate when you have to go.

Fri, 01 Oct 2004 23:39:11 GMT

You lose this time you fuckers!
http://www.cnn.com/2004/ALLPOLITICS/10/01/congress.marriage.ap/index.html

Fri, 01 Oct 2004 20:13:21 GMT

Okay, so conitnuing where I left off...

At Colby, there were these two amazing looking people dancing around in a swirl motion. I focused on them the whole time I was waiting for Ben to start playing.

I have to go to rehearsal. I hate this crap. I dont like rehearsal; I dont want to go on a friday. ARgh.

Today... for whatever reason... I feel like complete shit. And I cant wait for around 10 o'clock... even though it feels like ten o'clock will never never never come.

awwwwwww pampering and a hug is due.

When you annoy someone, do you expect them to want to hang out with you after? NAH.

We watched Show Boat (the 1936 version, not 1951) and I was sobbing obnoxiously in class. Everyone laughed. Nothing's changed.

Farewell,
Emsy

Fri, 01 Oct 2004 18:36:55 GMT

Ben folds.... BEN FUCKING FOLDS. How long have I wanted to see this genius?! and here he was, in Waterville, ME. We met the meanest COlby kids. one drunk guy called me "Miss Lady Bitch" hahahhahahahahahhahahahahahhahahh!!!!!!!
when he was leaving i was up on the bleacher and he walked through the exit right next to me and waved and smiled...
and i think he could see me dancing. i was in his line of vision. I MEAN IT. I mean, I was even higher up than he. He MUST HAVE SEEN ME. I was the only one dancing on the bleacher.

I looked for Seth all night, and when I found him... when I found him it felt like a complete successs.. AHHH SO GOOD TO SEE HOMEFOLKS!

... I have to go to class or else i would write more.

MIKE COME SEE ME!

Sat, 25 Sep 2004 22:25:25 GMT

where have all the lovelies gone?

Fri, 24 Sep 2004 15:44:38 GMT

I AM COMING HOME THIS WEEKEND! please call me. I would love to visit, of course!! I miss you all dearly.

... Any saturday workcall I could bust in on? Let me know, y'all.

Love you and see you soon I hope!

Wed, 22 Sep 2004 18:35:33 GMT

My anxiety about using the library is the most bizarre element of my personality. Everytime I enter a library with a purpose, with something I have to find, I dread using card catalogues, I dread searching in a frantic ignorance, and most of all, I dread asking a stranger at the reference desk to help me find a hiding volume. I don't know what about the library is so terribly frightening--is it that I'm insecure about appearing to be lost? Is it that I feel incapable of navigating my way through aisles of bookstacks filed in Greek morse code? or is it just my fear of librarians reaching over their desks to strangle me for not being able to use the card catalogue, BECAUSE AFTERALL, ITS COMMON SENSE?

Even in Skowhegan High School's lowly little library I feared the day that I would have to LOOK for something. Imagine the night terrors that were to occur when I arrived here at Bates, with 4 stories of library, and 650 trillion gazillion volumes. Holy heart-failure, batman!

Some people speak of libraries as gateways to the outside world. They have been referred to as time machines; today, i even saw a poster that read, "I picture heaven to be a kind of library." Why then, is the library my deepest, darkest hell? How can one seemingly gentle-looking building be the core of everything evil?

I should consider prozac.

Wed, 22 Sep 2004 05:03:09 GMT

no, not really high. just high

Wed, 22 Sep 2004 04:58:30 GMT

I am yours, commander cool!

Mon, 20 Sep 2004 20:23:40 GMT

Dear Dignified Darlings:

Sometimes I walk around this place completley numb. I dont understand why I am constantly tired. I sleep perfectly regular amounts. My schedule is not very demanding; I dont have class until one. I never expected that sleeping in late would have this terrible of an effect on me. I need to research sleeping and conserving one's personal energy. Surely there is something that could keep me feeling fresh and awake for more than 5 hours of the day.

I have never felt so tired. Really.

House of Blue Leaves! The first two weekends of November! Please, friends, come to Lewiston and watch me. I promise, I am not a tree or a bush. Or a waitress for that matter. I will appreciate you so much!

Someone teach me New York.

"...complete."

Truly yours,
"Bunny"

Sun, 19 Sep 2004 22:26:20 GMT

You were gone and I held onto you with memories and feelings and images and words.

Then you were here and I could taste, touch, smell, hear, and see everything again.

Truly, I lose my senses without you.

YAY, THIS WEEKEND FUCKING ROCKED

Wed, 15 Sep 2004 14:34:21 GMT

... I am a fool.

Please disregard most of what I have said in the last 24 hours.

I got cast in that crazy play.

Wed, 15 Sep 2004 05:02:08 GMT

some nights, i just need my own room where everything can be done by way. No one staying up until three in the morning, no one coming in at midnight,when you are nearly asleep, no one's fucking bright illuminating clock telling the time in the most obnoxious big digital numbers I've ever seen. No one's bed on top of mine crinkling, cracking, banging with every movement. No one else's reading lights on when I am trying to sleep... no one else's life disrupting my own.

I need a single room so badly.

And I want a real bathroom, in a real house. I dont want to take a shower in a bathroom stall. I dont want to have to wear shoes when I take a shower.

I think I need to go home soon. Every little thing about this place is making me bawl all over the keyboard.

I think that this is too hard, and everything is so fast, and I dont have a clear mind at all, and I cannot focus, and I am tired. I am always tired here. I cannot get to sleep before 2 in the morning. YET I AM ALWAYS TIRED.

Someone please rescue me for a day.

Oh yeah, and I guess that 100 pages isnt going to read itself.

Tue, 14 Sep 2004 22:16:08 GMT

Today I auditoned. Surprise, THIS IS NOT HIGH SCHOOL!!!! I went into the audition, completely cold to a foreign script. There were none available in the library. There were thousands available at the audition. This equation will never add up to me. Ever. Anyway, there were seniors who were dressed up for parts. I will never understand that either. Isn't the point of the audition to make the director see you as that character without your wearing that character's clothes? You have to wear them without wearing them, or that is how I feel.

Anyway, I did not impress myself in this audition, hence, I doubt I impressed anyone else. And then I come home and read someone's info from high schoool. And then I see that they are going to a speech team meeting. Then I want to coil up and die because there is no speech here, there is no lisherness here, there is no real safety here.

When will I be comfortable with my lack of talent?

Sun, 12 Sep 2004 06:21:19 GMT

Alice, the world is full of ugly things
That you can't change
Pretend it's not that way
It's my idea of faith
You can blow it off
And say there's good in nearly everyone
Just give them all a chance
Now let's give them all a chance

Sat, 11 Sep 2004 22:29:09 GMT

Okay.... so here I am, sitting in my room.
Saturday.

If Mike were here today, that would be a happy time.

We were just sitting there, and he was playing guitar and I was listening, and all I could do was cry and listen. ANd the whole time I wasnt even trying to pull myself together, just keep crying until the little trinket-case full of sad empties out... dries out... ready to speak up again.

I never knew how to listen until I knew you.

Thu, 09 Sep 2004 14:36:13 GMT

Don't hear me, just see me. See me, and that will be enough.

If you are the rain
then I am the water
let's pour down the world
let's seep into their souls
let's wrench out their love

Wed, 08 Sep 2004 14:19:46 GMT

Yay for coffee drinkers. I have a really nice bates mug, a gift from the alumni association. And i brewed the first cup of coffee of the year from inside my dorm.

My classes start today at 1 pm. I love my schedule, because it consists of class everyday from 1 until 4. So perfectly condensed. What a beautiful thing.

TIme for a shower. Then finishing up my homework. Then maybe I will head to commons.

LOVE YOU

Sun, 05 Sep 2004 17:33:29 GMT

I think it is a good day for a nice quiet cry. I feel like crying. Sentimental, sensitive. Veedon in my ears and pictures of you in my eyes. fingers against the keys... life sweet and sad.

I wanna comfort you
I wanna comfort you
I wanna comfort you
Just let yours tears run wild
Like when you were a child
I'll do what I can do
I wanna comfort you
You put the weight on me
you put the weight on me
you put the weight on me